Thursday, June 19, 2014

AWPATT III: June 11-19 (Thoughts 11-19)

11 I can daydream of any hair color. But I most often imagine my wife as brunette. It’s statistics, partly. All else equal, there’s a 10x greater chance of meeting someone with black or brown hair than with blond, in this area of the world. But perhaps due to some bottle-blondes’ immature belief that hair color matters more than character (“blondes have more fun,” anyone?), brunettes come across as more mature. That doesn’t mean I think there’s a scientific distinction, just that it’s the first image to pop up in my mind when I imagine a mature, respectable woman. I’m talking about introspecting about my subconscious, here, not epistemic beliefs I hold.

12 Does it matter to me that my wife be a virgin? Yes. But it’s not the unpardonable sin. It too can be forgiven. Medical science can determine that a person is clean. That there is no risk of disease transmission because of past risky behavior. What matters more than the physical, though, are the lasting effects on the conscience and character of someone with that in their background. It causes you to be unable to connect in the same way that you would/could if you were coming to the relationship from the same place in your own lives. It’s personal for me. Accepting someone as a Christian sister is a different kind/level of consideration than deciding to become one flesh with another person.

13 If she works out, especially if she’s a runner, that’s appealing. We immediately have a shared interest, but also the joy of knowing, other things being equal, that we’ll stay healthy and fit for a long time and look good for each other.

14 In my younger days, I might not have cared very much whether she be a Christian or not. Now it’s an easy thing to conclude—she can’t not be. Theology matters immensely to the kind of person you are, and how you relate to others.

15 I’m hardly ever touched by anyone day by day, and I’ve gotten very used to feeling like an isolated bubble. I see people, but I don’t come into contact. For this reason, something so simple as touch has become a special experience. I can experience someone’s affection in two ways: through words, but primarily through touch. I’ll know she loves me through our commitment. But I’ll feel that she loves me through knowing that she wants to reach out and touch me.

16 There are differences in personality, but someone who bursts into tears from an encounter with a rude stranger is not emotionally stable enough to handle life on their own, let alone with someone else, when there are more temptations to worry.

17 I was musing about what might initially attract me to her, and the thought came to me that what would alert me most to whether she’s interested in me is the sort of eye contact she makes with me. Since desire is desirable, observing a certain look in her eye is bound to awaken me to her.

18 I won’t tolerate someone wanting to leave a relationship they’re in because they like me. “Stealing someone’s girlfriend,” or ‘being a rebound guy,’ is a tactic bound to shoot yourself in the foot, because now you’ve conditioned them to abandon relationships when they think there’s something better to be had.

19 There are many diverse body types that appeal, and for different reasons. There’s no real way to define the ideal beauty or form of beauty, because there are multiple extrema, both among diverse minds and within individual minds. I’m intrigued at the thought that God could be ordaining my destiny, with respect to whom I marry, via my subconscious desires. It is through the unexplainable that God secretly accomplishes Providence.

~ Rak Chazak

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