Imagine that I'm a movie producer.
I really love president Ronald
Reagan. I want to honor his contribution to American politics and to
the world by filming a dramatic documentary featuring him. It's going to
cover his personal life, his journey to the White House, the events of
his presidency, and finally end with his death and funeral.
So I
set about doing research so that I'll do my best job representing Reagan
as who he was. First, I need to consult historical experts. I decide to
ask the governments of Russia and Iran for their historical analysis of
his contributions. Furthermore, I interview Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton,
and Barack Obama, for their insight into the presidency. I go to other
famous documentary filmmakers such as Michael Moore and Oliver Stone to
see what I can learn from them. Naturally, I consult with Matt Damon,
Ricky Gervais and George Clooney, whom I might consider inviting to play
a key acting role in the film.
Now that I'm ready to film, I
decide that the best location would be Johannesburg, South Africa. I
film exclusively there. While there, one of our crewmembers gets shot in
the butt, since South Africa has the world's highest violent crime
rate--2,000 per 100,000. We interpret this as a miraculous occasion,
since Reagan was also shot by someone but survived.
While
filming, we present Reagan as a transgendered Japanese orphan growing up in a cardboard-and-sheet-metal
"house" in the slums outside the city. He was forced to become a member
of an underground boxing ring to earn money to feed his family. One day
he meets the King of France, Genghis Khan, who takes him back to Brazil
in his rocket ship to be his personal servant. Reagan grows and learns
to maneuver through Brazilian politics, and eventually becomes a
successful leader of a drug cartel. This is how he eventually gets to
America. Reagan then becomes elected to the White House, and while
president, invades Russia and nukes Iran. Minor details, it's called
artistic license. Get over it. Eventually Reagan leaves the white house
and dies by getting shot by a Tea Party maniac wielding an AR-15 while
he was attending a pro-Obama rally during the 2012 election campaign.
Wait,
wait, wait, you say. You've got all the details wrong. This isn't the
real Reagan. Sure, he was president of the US, but
all the facts are wrong. Who he is, where he came from, what he did and
why he did it. Everything is changed in your movie.
But my
supporters respond by saying, well, shouldn't you be happy that at least
someone had the nerve to do a documentary about Reagan in the first
place? Think of all the people that could become Republicans as a
result!
It's like that with History Channel's The Bible.
It's the Bible in name only, but all the details are wrong. Which Jesus
do you follow? The one who came to "change the world," or the one who
came to SAVE the world?
~ Rak Chazak
No comments:
Post a Comment