Saturday, March 23, 2013

A Parable: History Channel Does a Reagan Documentary

Imagine that I'm a movie producer.

I really love president Ronald Reagan. I want to honor his contribution to American politics and to the world by filming a dramatic documentary featuring him. It's going to cover his personal life, his journey to the White House, the events of his presidency, and finally end with his death and funeral.

So I set about doing research so that I'll do my best job representing Reagan as who he was. First, I need to consult historical experts. I decide to ask the governments of Russia and Iran for their historical analysis of his contributions. Furthermore, I interview Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama, for their insight into the presidency. I go to other famous documentary filmmakers such as Michael Moore and Oliver Stone to see what I can learn from them. Naturally, I consult with Matt Damon, Ricky Gervais and George Clooney, whom I might consider inviting to play a key acting role in the film.

Now that I'm ready to film, I decide that the best location would be Johannesburg, South Africa. I film exclusively there. While there, one of our crewmembers gets shot in the butt, since South Africa has the world's highest violent crime rate--2,000 per 100,000. We interpret this as a miraculous occasion, since Reagan was also shot by someone but survived.

While filming, we present Reagan as a transgendered Japanese orphan growing up in a cardboard-and-sheet-metal "house" in the slums outside the city. He was forced to become a member of an underground boxing ring to earn money to feed his family. One day he meets the King of France, Genghis Khan, who takes him back to Brazil in his rocket ship to be his personal servant. Reagan grows and learns to maneuver through Brazilian politics, and eventually becomes a successful leader of a drug cartel. This is how he eventually gets to America. Reagan then becomes elected to the White House, and while president, invades Russia and nukes Iran. Minor details, it's called artistic license. Get over it. Eventually Reagan leaves the white house and dies by getting shot by a Tea Party maniac wielding an AR-15 while he was attending a pro-Obama rally during the 2012 election campaign.

Wait, wait, wait, you say. You've got all the details wrong. This isn't the real Reagan. Sure, he was president of the US, but all the facts are wrong. Who he is, where he came from, what he did and why he did it. Everything is changed in your movie.

But my supporters respond by saying, well, shouldn't you be happy that at least someone had the nerve to do a documentary about Reagan in the first place? Think of all the people that could become Republicans as a result!


It's like that with History Channel's The Bible.  It's the Bible in name only, but all the details are wrong. Which Jesus do you follow? The one who came to "change the world," or the one who came to SAVE the world?


~ Rak Chazak

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