Friday, July 31, 2015

Mild Amusement: Replace One Word

The first time I encountered something like this, it was in a book called Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges Into History Again, and it was full of neat tidbits, not all necessarily toilet-related, but short enough to read in a sitting (or read several in a row if you're just really fascinated by learning stuff about history).

A later encounter was online, where movie titles were posted on a social media thread where one word was replaced by a certain body part that appeals to people with a certain type of humor (although to me, situational comedy and pun appreciation makes it appealing).

The Bathroom Reader had one chapter that consisted of replacing a single letter in a historical event, to change the meaning and suggest what it could've been instead. The only example I remember is "The Lone March," (supposed to be "The Long March"), where Mao Zedong couldn't find anyone to join his revolution so he embarked all by himself.

So, today, to relieve my need for some creative amusement, I sat down and made up a few on my own. Without further ado, here's my contribution (note: I'll use historical events, sitcom and movie titles):

The Trail of Bears -- President Jackson was unable to relocate the Cherokee nation because of rabid anti-immigrant opposition by central American natives.

Gransformers -- Optimus Prime and Bumblebee swear allegiance to an elderly woman.

The HoloFaust -- Hitler makes a deal with the devil to sell him all the golden dental implants and earrings of 6 million Jews in return for conquering Europe. (In true Satan fashion, his horribleness found a loophole where the Third Reich only lasted a matter of months). (What is Faust?)

The Big Dang Theory -- The Big Bang Theory had so many holes in it, it kept requiring modifications to it to fit with all the conflicting evidence (this is actually true).

The Mommy -- Newly engaged Rachel has an awkward first meeting with the in-laws when her fiancee's long-distant ancestor Rameses' mother returns from the grave.

Everybody Loves Gaymond -- Gaymond whines about his life with his family who just doesn't understand him (and his overly pushy and critical mother), and tries to keep his marriage together.

Born to be Gild -- A lion's dreams of having a golden statue made of him come to fruition.

Man of Steer -- the strongest man on earth is not a man at all: he was born and raised by bulls.

Jurassic Would -- If people didn't make stupid decisions, there wouldn't be a plot for the movie.

The War of the Hoses -- Britain's 2 strongest families got together for a rousing squirtgun battle.

Schindler's Fists -- A man hiding Jews becomes an unsuspecting recipient of superhuman strength, and takes on the Nazi SS mano a mano.

Lonesome Doge -- Much movie. Very cowboy. Wow.

Star Cars -- Mad Max in space. 'nuff said.

Scar Trek -- Captain Kirk voyages across an unexplored galaxy, getting beat up along the way.

Paraformal Activity -- In this horror movie, a group of teenagers become haunted by the ghosts of questionable prom attire.

Hang 'em Nigh -- bring that noose a little closer.

No Country for Old Hen -- the Little Red Hen finds her work ethic and business savvy unwelcome in the New America.

Lancelit -- A knight rises to fame because his lance glows in the dark. OR What if the Knights of the Round Table had lightsabers?

Pilates of the Caribbean -- Buccaneers have to be in tip-top shape to be ready for boarding ships.

The Balk -- A CBS daytime talk show talks about the hosts' sexual preferences and other explicit material (also true)

That's it for now, hope it tickled someone's funny bone.

~ Rak Chazak

PS I think I'll try to do a blitz sometime early in August to get all the ideas I have lying around out quickly so they won't languish or be a distraction.

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