Sunday, March 30, 2014

Texting Treatise: Flirting

Three texts I sent to a female friend, spontaneously, a few nights ago (the warm weather lets me text more because my thumbs don't get numb when I'm taking walks with the dog at night):

Euphoria After Talking With Young Ladies That Day

Man, I like flirting. Maybe they think I'm cute, but even if they don't, I get high on the privilege of being the one to pay them attention and make them feel that someone thinks they're interesting, wants to talk to them, and maybe even finds them attractive. Making girls happy makes me happy. Can't explain how, but the 'why' seems obvious: I'm made to gain pleasure from seeing pleasure in a woman's face. It's undoubtedly a biological hardwiring designed to create a positive-feedback-system in my courtship/marriage where I get ever more motivated to serve my wife the more I serve her and bring joy to her by doing so. And in the meantime, I get my "fix" by flirting and talking to pretty girls. It gives me enough cheer to keep up the hope of finding someone I can really turn up the romance for/with, some day.

Definition of Flirting

I dunno (in response to my friend saying they don't think they flirt much with people), as far as I see it, flirting is just another word for being nice IF conditions are such that you have interest in that person, or either of you may be subtly communicating attraction, even by the benign act of choosing to talk to (which is by definition showing interest in) that person, RATHER than, literally, anyone else. So talking to a guy you like, if you smile, is a low-intensity flirt, essentially. Various behaviors that make interest more obvious make a flirt more obvious.

How I Use Flirting In Daily Life

So there's even a sense in which certain things I say to you or [another friend] can be (seen as) flirtatious, simply because you're attractive young women and I personally find you interesting to talk to. I can't think of a concrete recent example at the moment, but if I say something to compliment your personality or appearance, whereas it is sincere and typically meant as an encouragement first, it's "cross-categorized" (lol technical) as a flirtatious remark. What should be understood is that I'm not using 'flirt' to mean something frivolous or insincere OR (very importantly) something said with, by necessity, the intention or hope of producing desire in the object for the subject. Many of my flirts are for that purpose, but many are defiantly* not, and aloof, and some are just my friendly personality but interpreted by somebody else in a more intentional way. Lol clear enough?


I finished the text conversation with another text explaining how I saw our communications--I don't talk to her as an "outlet for flirting," for example. I explained what I appreciate(d) about the texts I get from her and the other girl, namely that whether I find agreement, criticism or disinterest as the response for something I say affects how I think about that, and it gives me an opportunity to refine my thoughts and speech and become a better man. Basically, this is the essence of Christian fellowship--encouraging each other and enabling each other's spiritual growth--merely over text. It's a great time to be alive.

~ Rak Chazak

*By the way, "defiantly" is not a misspelled "definitely." I intended to say that it is with defiance that I refuse to only flirt with people I might have romantic aspirations for. 

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