201
Based in part on past experience and in part on theology, I’m now rigidly
conservative with regard to who should pursue whom at the onset of a romantic
relationship (if you ask me for my number out of the blue, you’re immediately
disqualified). God chose us, we did not choose Him, and based on the Ephesians
5 symbolism comparing husband and wife to Christ and the Church, it is obvious
that for a woman to pursue a man, and for the man to accept it, is to
demonstrate an ignorance of the mechanism of salvation (esp. as being
monergistic), or rebelliousness against God’s loving direction for how to live.
It won’t go well for such a couple.
202
But what does pursuit mean? It
doesn’t seem to mean showing interest, as indicated in Ruth. It probably
doesn’t mean a girl can’t give a guy compliments. But it means she shouldn’t
attempt to initiate a relationship {note in the link above that it was Boaz who first showed inordinate kindness to her, and in his speech to her, subtly recognizes the facts that Ruth's mother later points out, that he was in a position to marry her according to the Mosaic Law's institution of Levirate marriage. In other words, you could say that he did in fact initiate this romantic engagement. She responded, and he concluded it}. Unbelievers can desire to be in heaven, and
experience awe over what they see in the creation – so you have interest and
praise, without the pursuit. Likewise, it is certain that the unbeliever, and
unmarried woman, do not, in their attraction, have a desire for the object
itself but only their perception of it. They do not have a fully comprehended
idea of what they’re getting into when they say they want God, or want a man.
If the pursuit is theirs, then unbelievers will try to create God in their
image, and young women will try to create a husband in their image. You can’t
have a relationship with someone who denies the core essence of your identity.
Therefore, God must pursue. And because man is made in the image of God and
given the symbolic role of Christ in his relationship with woman, therefore it
must be man who pursues the woman.
203
So to the woman who wants to give guys her number, or get theirs, without
waiting for them to suggest it; for the woman who tries to corral a man into
proposing – if you don’t believe that man should pursue you, how can you
believe that Christ pursued us? You have faithlessness to repent of.
204
A lot of the statements I’ve made with respect to veils, jewelry, dating,
giving compliments etc throughout the course of this series may seem to be
unduly harsh. Not so. This is deadly serious stuff. A person’s approach to
relationships can tell you a great deal about their theological understanding,
and often merely a cursory evaluation reveals deep and severe problems in it,
which only need time to manifest, justifying the concern. Theology affects
every aspect of our lives—sanctification does not fail to show evidence
everywhere. Consequently, even those who don’t care one iota about Christianity
can’t escape the fact that they can be identified on the basis of wrong
theology, which shows itself in their life choices and what they may consider
innocuous opinions. A woman who chases men is horridly immature, in a spiritual
sense at the very least.
It
probably would upset a worldly woman that I could spot her and reject her on
the basis of how she talks, or the fact that her midriff is exposed, or that
she has a tattoo, or a tongue piercing, or that she smokes, or that she drinks,
or that she’s obsessed with her phone, indicating addiction or attachment
issues, or that she eats far too little in front of others to explain her body
weight, indicating a hidden self-control issue, or that she wears tube tops,
indicating a lack of self-awareness or care about how she affects others (refer
to Thought 145), or that she makes no eye contact at all, indicating lack of
confidence and a sense of security in her own identity, or that she stares,
indicating rank arrogance and lust, or that she’s obnoxiously loud, indicating
once again a lack of self-awareness, confidence, security, or empathy for or
interest in others—what’s that but pride, and where is pride in a Christian
woman? Getting rejected for what seems like a small thing may be offensive and
they may think Christian men shallow, but the fact is that they are the ones
who are so shallow that they don’t even know themselves!—or comprehend how bad
the “little things” they casually accept about themselves actually are. They are symptoms of a reality that is bad
enough that it renders the intense sort of relationship that comes from
Christian commitment utterly impossible, and hence why you don’t see these sort
of women sustaining lasting relationships except for emotionally manipulative
ones. Should I feel bad for not wanting this? I reject the notion out of hand!
~ Rak Chazak
PS Next AWPATT: Desirable qualities in a woman, from A to Z (and no, it's not "attractive," "beautiful," "cute," "delightful," "fun," "gorgeous," "lovely," "nice," "pretty," etc)
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